222 replies to this topic

[128-Up]

Hello...

Welcome to my poetry thread.

I won't introduce myself...or the thread. I'll let the poems do the talking.

Request Queue

"Zelda" ~ Ultima_Zero
"Enigma Stone?" ~ Switch-Renn
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Index of Poetry:
The Darkened Shield - 8th April 2010 (This post)
Red and Green, Fire and Ice - 8th April 2010
Speak for Yourself - 10th April 2010
Does Anyone Understand? - 15th April 2010
Looking Too Far Ahead - 18th April 2010
Practice Makes Perfect? - 23rd April 2010
Listen to me... - 29th April 2010
Thunderous Thoughts - 3rd May 2010
The Shining Sprite - 5th May 2010
The Broken Heart - 15th May 2010
Think Again... - 15th May 2010
Breaking the Cord; Latching Upon the Hearts of Others - 18th May 2010
The Frightening Reflection - 22nd May 2010
Blue Bomber - 29th July 2010

This was written a fortnight or so before the day of posting when I was in an extremely depressed state because of pressure from all angles...

The Darkened Shield - 8th April 2010

Encompassing Earth lies a secret blockade,
Beyond it are pleasures abound.
How long I have thought about why it is there...
The depressing truth, I have found.

The rest of humanity, unaffected by it,
Me standing alone, I am stopped.
The world can have happiness and treasure is theirs,
And one person, his balloon is popped.

Searching for shoulders to lay on and cry,
He notices his schoolyard mates
They care more about trends than their friends,
Leaving Lady Luck powering my fates.

Technology has always been kinder to me,
With invincibility at my fingertips.
Yet my life still feels empty without people,
And acting over feeling causes mental slips.

Somewhere in the world is a boy and a girl,
Who love me for whatever I do.
Looking out for them is no easy task,
When thousands of people block me too.

Edited by 128-Up, 15 September 2010 - 11:54 AM.

[Shulk]

OMG and yes I'm always brutally honest to the fact that it might be a down fall at times so now I try to be nice. This was AMAZING though philip! It really should be posted for all to see. It totally touched my heart, I loved the tense you wrote it in along with the perspective. It was very honest and can fit a lot of people this day in age. A few word choices seemed forced such as fates when most commonly a person considers a single fate not many, but that you can pass over because the rest is outstanding!

[MetroidPrimeSteak]

Nice poem. I like it. :)

[Espi]

Nice. xD I didn't know that you wrote poetry. When did you start?

[128-Up]

Nice. xD I didn't know that you wrote poetry. When did you start?

This is my first.

[Espi]

This is my first.

Could I give you some suggestions for your next? It would be the same stuff as what I told Moonlight (basically stuff that I want to do but don't have the time to do so).

[MetroidPrimeSteak]

Oh, well now that you have discovered your creative side, you should make more. It's a really good poem.

[128-Up]

Could I give you some suggestions for your next? It would be the same stuff as what I told Moonlight (basically stuff that I want to do but don't have the time to do so).

If you wish, but no promises are being made...

[Espi]

If you wish, but no promises are being made...

Experiment with complex rhyme schemes (like terza rima) and different meters (like iambic pentameter).

[128-Up]

Experiment with complex rhyme schemes (like terza rima) and different meters (like iambic pentameter).

I prefer to be simple, but I'll try to incorporate those somewhere...

What are they?

[128-Up]

This poem was, to be honest, something I did out of boredom. Those games sure have been rubbing off on me...

Red and Green, Fire and Ice - 8th April 2010

A mysterious traveller,
On land and in sky,
Taking no time,
Enemies in the whites
Of his eye.

The older in crimson,
The younger in green,
Beating their way
Through acts called
Obscene.

The dark rulers yellow,
Father and son,
Thinking of nothing,
Together in evil
As one.

Plumber and Koopa,
Locked in a brawl,
Circling round a princess,
Whose beauty has caused
It all.

Never going to be simple,
To get the Stars of pure gold,
Never-ending struggle,
Until the players
Get old.

We all cheer for the victor,
No matter which side,
With adrenaline pumping,
Until Bowser and his darkness
Will reside.

[Shulk]

I think having the fifth line in each stanza made it seem really odd. I'm not sure why though, but I liked it a lot. I think the fifth line might have just broke up the flow maybe that's why. I'm use to the second and fourth line rhyme but never seen a poem written like this. Anyways great word choice!

[Espi]

I REALLY don't like the rhyme scheme. D:

[128-Up]

I REALLY don't like the rhyme scheme. D:

I liked it.

[Moonlight_Zelda]

I really loved the first poem, and Rhyme said all that I could've when she commented. The second poem seemed a little odd, but still enjoyable. And it's not every day that someone writes an ode to the Mario franchise, XD.

[Espi]

I liked it.

Your rhyme scheme is nearly free verse, but the problem is that the diction doesn't really flow. The reason why people use free verse is so that they can play with punctuation and isolate certain words for emphasis.

[128-Up]

Your rhyme scheme is nearly free verse, but the problem is that the diction doesn't really flow. The reason why people use free verse is so that they can play with punctuation and isolate certain words for emphasis.

I'm still trying it out...never said I was masterful.

[Espi]

I'm still trying it out...never said I was masterful.

I say just stick to complex rhyme schemes, rather than simple ones that don't work out too well without a lot of extras as well. One of my old roommates actually wrote an incredibly simple poem using a basic rhyme scheme (just one repeated sound) and it turned out really well. (It was quite inappropriate, though.)

[128-Up]

I really loved the first poem, and Rhyme said all that I could've when she commented. The second poem seemed a little odd, but still enjoyable. And it's not every day that someone writes an ode to the Mario franchise, XD.

It's-a me, 128!

But seriously, what else did you expect from me? Haha.

[128-Up]

In the modern world, speaking can be more important than acting at times...combine that with "What do you don't know can hurt you...and you're in trouble.

Speak for Yourself - 10th April 2010

Expression...a human's toughest task.
Friendship...a group and their big ask.
A word...in a second, wrecks a group.
Opinions...when spoken, makes you fly the coop.

Knowing what to say at times,
Is tougher than you think.
Remembering all about the others,
Having the time of a just an eye's blink.

"What you don't know cannot hurt you..."
Deception in its greatest guise.
If you cannot foresee their reaction...
The "reward" may become two black eyes.

I have suffered this fate in the past,
My emotions took a suffering turn.
Please do not follow my horrid example,
For your subconscious will crash, and then burn.